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Alex Jones may have been banned from Youtube. He may never dish out layups with Tweety bird in the upcoming sequel to Space Jam, nor debut as the flailing hyper-nationalist version of Jonah Jameson for the next episode in the Spider-Man franchise. However, he could sing for a band. Whether he knows he’s doing so or not.
When YouTube banned Jones in August for violations of hate speech and harassment guidelines, they robbed the conservative rhetorician of his prized Infowars show, and left its fan base of basement dwellers and velcro-sporting theorists scattered amidst the wreckage.
Despite a strangely endless-seeming time during which Jones hosted the show, he didn’t make the best “tv personality.” Constantly on the edge of his seat, palms to his face in white-hot rage, Jones ranted at length. But few coherent points were ever raised; instead, he spent most of his time on menacing insinuations about invasive alien races and warnings about gay-frog chemtrail juice and globalist filtered water.
Most wouldn’t associate an easy target like Jones with greatness, and he’s unlikely to be on the right side of history once our bizarre current era has concluded. But the keen ears of a mysterious band based in Connecticut may finally have brought Jones to his true calling. In the context of political commentary, his voice is the equivalent of a shovel scraping over wet concrete. But it turns out that makes for some gnarly vocals.
The result of this realization: a rabid mutagen of a musical creation called the Alex Jones Prison Planet.
The group matches Jones’ proclaimed “90 percent hard news” ranting about neurotic conspiracies and inevitable doom approaching white America with brutal death metal, for some cuck-crushing headbanging.
The lineup of the band is unknown. The little information disclosed by the member(s) on their social media accounts tell us little more than their work. But they have been busy, releasing three EPs to date on their bandcamp site so far. Their debut, Cursed to Hell, was released in 2017, and they’ve followed it with two more — Crush the Parasitesand Super Heavy Galactic Stuff. And with plenty of Jones’ absurd diatribes still scattered across the interplanetary cosmos of the world wide web, there is no reason for them to slow down.
No claims have been made by the group suggesting any sympathies for the views Jones has expressed during the span of his show’s years-long run. Whether their motives are to mock Infowars or promote it — or simply for the fuck of it — they’ve tapped into a goldmine.
So next time you’re enjoying a night with friends, take out your tactical taint wipes and foil hats, pop a few iodine tablets, and checkmate those globalists by giving everyone a listen and enjoying your ensuing damnation to deepest bowls of hell by Jones’ self-righteous fury. By the end of the first song, you’ll think you’ve found those fucking emails.
To check out the group and for more info, follow the link.
John Donegan 